Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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