apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
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best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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