he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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