i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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