it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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