Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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