and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
