Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
dude. I can hear the air.
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