So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
