my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
