How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
