Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
