My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I want to be your penis for a week.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
