I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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