I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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