I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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