You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
