tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
