dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
