Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
