ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
