S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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