It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
