Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
