i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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