please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
