I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
