Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
