That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
