You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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