My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
