The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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