So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
