I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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