hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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