I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
