Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
