If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
