can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
