he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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