This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
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boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
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Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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