Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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