this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Panties = found
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
