Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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