i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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