after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Everclear isn't food dammit
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
