I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Drake has all the answers
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
