i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
