so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
