He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
