According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
