were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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