Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
