and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I looked at my own cervix.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
