last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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