So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
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If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
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there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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