He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
