just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
