I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
