Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
