plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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