thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
