Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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