I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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