Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize