Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
