mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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