some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
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No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
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I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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