He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I AM VODKA MAN
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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